My Vanlife Dreams: Why I’ve Taken a Giant Step Backwards

It’s weird to admit to the interwebs (re: potentially no one or maybe several strangers or even former classmates whose lives are only mutually “known” through a screen) that I’ve taken a step back from my vanlife dreams. The overachiever in me feels like I’m giving up. Failing. The pragmatic part of me knows it’s been the right decision. The dreamer side already has eyes on bigger and wilder adventures. The pessimist in me is unsure I can make them happen. The Inside Out characters are duelling in my brain.

Regardless, it feels like the right time for a proper vanlife update since I’ve barely shared or spoken about it this year.

This blog post actually started as an Instagram reel caption. It grew longer than anticipated, so now we’re here. I admit, I’m happier that these thoughts will find a home in this space instead. Originally I wanted to document my vanlife experiences in journal entry-esque blogs, the kind that Google deems useless since they’re not a “How To”, “X-day Itinerary”, or “Best of” list, despite holding their own appeal to both reader (human interest, voyeurism) and writer (reflection, documentation). Anyhow, I haven’t, for various reasons (*cough SEO cough), though mostly for no good reason at all. Let’s break that streak, shall we?

Vanlife Reflections

2024 would have been “Vanlife Season 3”, as I’ve dubbed each spring-to-fall period. However I’m waffling on whether the inactivity of a pause can be considered a season. In reality it doesn’t matter since it’s all made up!

As the summer and warmer weather wind down, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my vanlife dreams. For 5 years, starting in 2017, I consumed so much van content that it absorbed into my bones. After having car camped in 4 countries, I was gungho to experience longterm life on the road…albeit with more comfort than a little hatchback could provide.

Vanlife Season 1: 2022

In 2021 I started seriously/not seriously looking for a van. The serious part is that I actually started searching on Facebook Marketplace and Kijiji. The not so serious part was that never in a million years did I think it was possible. I was only window shopping.

In the spring of 2022, after several months hiatus from browsing vans, I stumbled upon one for sale that seemed too good to be true. Within a very short time frame I arranged to see the van which resulted in placing a down payment on my new van home. I was gobsmacked that such seemingly out of reach dreams were transforming into reality. In fact, I was in such shock that when it came time to put in an offer I went mute and my dad had to fill in the words failing to come from my mouth! The full story of how I acquired Betty White is pretty magical and I’m forever grateful to the previous owners for being such lovely and kind people.

It’s beyond an understatement to say I was thrilled to finally have my own campervan. It had been a very long time since I felt that level of giddy excitement. To add to the magic, days after I received the keys there was a Vanlife Community Canada meetup. This beautiful group of humans quickly welcomed me into the fold, rescuing me as I got stuck in the mud upon arrival! A common struggle for vanlifers is lack of community and loneliness due to the constant movement and potential lack of a “vanmate”. I couldn’t have been luckier. Within a week, I struck gold between finding my campervan and meeting such wonderful people. I soaked in every moment on the road that summer.

In the fall, I began renovations, removing the metal barriers behind the seats and starting to remove the dedicated bathroom space. Renovations stopped once the cold and snow appeared. I didn’t have a covered space to work in, let alone any of the tools to do the renovations.

Vanlife Season 2: 2023

Season 2 of vanlife was much of the same – vanlife gatherings, visitors joining me on the road, and continuing renovations. I learned a ton in the build process and created new memories at El Campo and travelling in the US. For the second year, renovations drew to a halt in the winter. At this point there was an established rhythm. Explore and renovate in warmer months. Pause renos in the winter.

Vanlife Season 3?: 2024

This summer has been a different beast. The rhythm of the past 2 seasons intentionally fractured. Something sizeable has been missing and I needed a change. For professional, financial, and personal reasons, I made the decision not to dive back into vanlife on the road in 2024.

The Build

Despite major upgrades like removing the bathroom, installing a new fridge, fan, larger water tank, and a brand new water filter, as well as adding decorative touches, there is still a lot of work to complete. The kitchen drawers and beside cubbies need to be built. The reading nook requires trim, new ceiling panels, cushions, the 2nd outlet installed, and a few other tweaks. The shoe boxes need to be covered and the floor retouched, or perhaps replaced. The kitchen table needs refinishing. The security cameras haven’t yet been installed, nor have the curtains. In an ideal situation I would also add 3 windows, a heater, a swivel seat, and solar panels (while also updating the batteries).

Could I technically live and travel in the van in its current state? For sure. Yet our environment plays a role in our mental health and physical comfort and I am conscious of both. Would you aspire to live in a constant state of renovations? No. Is it doable? To an extent.

The first year I lived and travelled in the van as it was – a space for part-time campers. I made do without any issues and had an absolute blast. Any traveller’s first lessons are in adaptability, but I knew from day 1 that I would renovate to create comfortable longer-term living. The second year, the campervan was truly a partially-renovated space. Again, doable, but I had a vision for living comfortably in this vehicular home.

Perhaps I’m too fixated on spaces. When you’ve lived in as many countries and cities as I have, or out of a backpack or tiny vehicle for an extended period of time, there’s something novel and cozy about nesting. It’s also human nature, no?

Professional

On the work front, there have also been upgrades. I have double the amount of data for hot spotting, which makes being a digital nomad much more manageable. It’s less likely that I will spend hours trying to find an open cafe or library. However, another real drawback is me. I confess, my attention is often torn between exploring and digesting new locations and buckling down to business, particularly during shorter stays.

I have found stasis (sometimes) and stability increases my productivity. Somehow I’m now the person enjoying and even preferring routines, from my hot morning beverage to my lunchtime fitness classes. These consistent markers in my daily schedule break up and guide the working hours, which I have found to be grounding and calming. Knowing I’ve a safe sleeping spot and being able to do laundry on a whim save both precious time and mental energy that don’t distract from necessary tasks. Does this mean I’m “getting old”?

As I write these words I feel old. I remember being in my 20s and hearing 30- or 40-somethings use this language to describe their stage of life and thinking “how boring”. And it totally is! Stability and sameness is boring, yet I have learned to appreciate their quiet monotony. Thanks to established daily routines, I feel healthier and am seeing small steps of progress. Now that I’m an aunt, the motivation to be healthier has shifted my lifestyle choices. I also prefer preventative vs. reactionary health care… and as a self-employed individual I also don’t have benefits. There’s a different satisfaction in this slower sameness than the grand leaps of learning and novelty that occur when country hopping as a backpacker or constantly exploring new corners of the world.

Ultimately, I set the intention of working more on the back end of the business over the summer this year and this goal wasn’t conducive to life on the road.

Financial

It didn’t make sense for me to carry the apartment and simultaneously pay outrageous gas prices. Last summer I covered a lot of ground which meant the van consumed a lot of gas – not cheap! Sure, I technically could have sublet my place to mitigate costs. However, after an absolutely disastrous experience I’ve been hesitant to invite another stranger to inhabit my home. (I know, it was probably a fluke, but it has me spooked.) No part of either scenario – the scandalous gas prices or the nightmare subletter – was appealing enough to repeat.

Also, as a small business owner, much of what I make is reinvested into growing Travel with TMc. The business was my financial priority. Yes, one can argue that travelling is my business, however there’s a lot more that goes on behind the scenes with blogging than appears online.

Another note about vanlife finances, especially for solo vanlifers like myself, is that it is not cheap, as demonstrated in these monthly vanlife expense reports. I don’t have the luxury of splitting costs with a travel partner. When I chose to purchase the van, I signed up for increased monthly gas expenses, as well as a monthly vehicle payment – a first in my life. I can support both increases, however vanlife costs more than just these 2 items. There are expensive repairs and maintenance that creep up, as well as upgrades and modifications to the home within the van. Unlike international travel, where I often visit friends and family or housesit (both of which reduce accommodation costs), vanlife has the potential to be quite pricey.

Personal

The personal side of the decision to stay local this year was for 2 main reasons. The first is that I prioritized spending time working on the business over working on the van. I could have completed more renovations this summer, especially after being accepted to a community organization with access to a fully outfitted indoor workshop. However, since I wouldn’t be living and travelling in it this year, renovating wasn’t a top priority.

The second reason is that I’ve been craving community and connection more than anything. You know, those close friends you can call for an impromptu walk or to grab a drink after a long day or just sit on the couch in your sweats and gab. Call it a covid hangover, call it the side effect of being self-employed, or call it the result of having my closest friends scattered across the globe. I’d say all 3 culprits play a part. As much as I love travelling, I love sharing experiences with close friends and family and I can’t do that when I’m travelling alone.

I absolutely love living and travelling in the van. It is hands down one of my favourite ways to experience the world, for a variety of reasons. I anticipate I’ll wander this way in some capacity for the rest of my life. But it can be quite lonely. And connection, however deep and wonderful it can be when travelling, is fleeting. I remember reading similar musings from travel bloggers I’ve looked up to over the years. Somehow it feels like a(n odd) traveller’s rite of passage now that I’m also crossing that threshold.

What’s Next in this Vanlife Dream?

While the city I grew up and currently reside in doesn’t totally feel like “home” or my “forever place”, which I think has also contributed to the lack of connection I’ve felt (/created), it is familiar. Family members are nearby and I love popping in for hugs and hellos and babysitting the littles. It is also relatively affordable, unlike many cities around the world. It feels impossible to say (perhaps that’s the denial), but I’ve lived here for longer than anywhere else in the past decade. That’s a whole other conversation on identity! I still want to live abroad, travel for extended periods, and maintain freedom of movement. For now though, I’m content to tend to roots and routines, build stability and consistency, and give the van a rest until its next adventure.